filmicide :: one sentence movie reviews
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19 July
Hero
Hong Kong all stars and and and colors and and kung fu and asdfasdfgljkh!!!
Gigli
2 minutes of a bad Taiwan bootleg... I had a tumor.
Bone
Yaffet Cotto is fucking hardcore.
14 July
Wisconsin Death Trip
I like documentries where things are pretty.
Zombie (Zombi2)
Zombie vs. Shark.. HAHAHAHAHAHhahaha.
Spider
David Cronenburg minus oriface obsession = boring.
10 July
How to Murder Your Wife
(takes notes)
I, Fuckbot
Blade Runner owns you will Smith.
Just Looking
Two forks can have sex and it is funny.
06 July
Road Warrior
I want a nuclear cause I want to drive like a motherfucker.
Repo Man
Open the trunk.. DOOOOON'T OPEN THE TRUNK!
Mystic River
ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZ
Day of the Dead
Helllooooooo... is anybody out there.... HELLOOOOOO.... damn it, what song sampled that?
02 July
Monster
Thought it was brilliant... then I looked up the real woman it was based on and decided to go from thinking it was brilliant to feminist propaganda.
COWBOY BEBOP THE MOVIE
Better than any Star Trek movie ever made... well except for Wrath of Khan.
Star Trek 2: Wrath of Khan
Even if you aren't a Trekkie, this has to be one of the best sci-fi films ever made.
28 June
Ocean's 11
One of the very FEW remakes that surpasses the original.
True Romance
Tony Scott's glossy action movie directing plus Tarrantino dialog make for an odd, but fun mix.
2001
HAL used to give me bad dreams... that red I staring and politely apologizing as he killed me with robot pinchers.
North by Northwest
Fastest... ending.. ever...
24 June
Bad Santa
So this is is what shocks the main stream and counts as irreverant?
Gleaming the Cube
I wish I was 14 again and living in the OC.
12 Monkeys
God damn it, SOMEBODY give Gilliam the support Tarrantino or Kevin Smith got, this movie is so yaay.
Spider
When Cronenburg doesn't flaunt his oriface obsession I feel disenchanted.
18 June
2010
How can a movie be a sequel and continue the same story, and yet feel completely detached?
Shining
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... those fucking twins.
Spacehunter
Road Warrior+Star Wars... I love 80's sci-fi.
29 Palms
Wow... an indie film that doesn't use smash cult editing!
15 June
Summer of Sam
She said "pussy-juice..."
Star Trek: Nemesis
Sigh... oh well.
Windy City Heat
Bobcat KILLED me with: "AAAAannnnd... ACT!"
Thomas Crown Affair
Turned it off after the god sanctioned nude scene.
Fallen Angels
Chris Doyle is self-taught and it makes me want to die.
13 June
Cabinet of Dr. Caligari
Well, now I know where Tim Burton got all his shit... AWESOME movie.
Drugstore Cowboy
Well, now I know where Requiem For a Dream got all its shit... AWESOME movie.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (original)
Well, now I know where Blair Witch got all its shit... AWESOME movie.
Blade Runner (for the 1341234th time)
Well, now I know where Matrix got all its shit... AWESOME movie.
05 June
Bubba Hotep
I peed.
Giant
Fuck Texas... but the movie was rad.
School of Rock
I am totally suprised at the actual lack of major suckage.
Return of the King
Yay for slow motion hobbit hugging for an hour... nice ending, assbrains.
Shrek 2
I laughed, I cried, I saw it with two teenage girls and went to jail.
Big Fish
Nice try, Tim-- but I'm STILL not forgiving you for Planet of the Apes.
04 June
Triplets of Belleville
What the hell, why aren't my subtitles working... OH WAIT, this entire movie was done with out dialog FREAKING BEAUTIFUL GENIUS.
Coupon the Movie
I saw the shit out of it.
King Arthur
Ohhh.. special screening... OF CRAP THAT IS NOTHING LIKE THE HISTORY OR MYTHOLOGY OF ARTHUR!
Excaliber
This is more like it, YES LIKE LIGHTNING!!!!!
Yojimbo
Samuai's kick so much ass, dude takes on an entire town.
Fistfull of Dollars
Holy crap, it's same movie as Yojimbo!
03 June
21 Grams
Holy cow, I'm going totally out of order, and yet if I was in order I wouldn't be interesting except for Naomi Watts boobies!
Last Samurai
And to this very day, Japan has honor thanks to the white man.
Comic Book Villians
I'm a wacky guy with a gun movie, no, I'm a geek movie, no, I'm a drama, no wait I dunno what the fuck I am!
Wickerman
I was promised 70's bush and saw none.
The Rundown
Gravity and physics are for faggerts!
01 June
Matrix: Revolutions
Next person to say that I didn't like it because I didn't get it is getting beaten down with my copy of Simulacra Simulacram and is going to choke on a paperback edition of Neuromancer.
Kill Bill
The only way life would be cooler is if MY car had "Pussy Wagon" written on the back.
Dawn of the Dead
Fuck zombies and raiders-- the mall has EVERYTHING.
Dawn of the Dead (Remake)
Fuck zombies and raiders-- the mall has EVERYTHING... EXCEPT GUNS! WTF, ANDY!?!?!
Ghost Story
I saw this at a young age and it was the first time I saw a penis in a movie-- now I am just excited as all fuck by how spooky things can be just by being cold and foggy.
Heavenly Creatures
Teenage lesbianism, Kate Winslet, collective hallucinations, matricide, Peter Jackson.. nuff said!
Run Ronnie Run
But.. but... Mr. Show was so funny!
Down With Love
"Gee, I thought you were all anti-romatic and cheese," well I am; but this script was pure genius and I spent my childhood watching Doris Day movies with my grandma, and if you haven't seen those, you proobably don't get why this movie is so good.
