It sickens me today that there are people out there that actually have sex for fun. When I was 7, I had surgery on my scrotum. I really didn’t understand what it was for until I discovered evil masturbation and ejaculated fire. It hurt really badly. But the truth hurts. Father Joseph explained to me that this is what it will feel like to jack off in hell. I’m not looking forward to that. So I eat a lot of Tylenol. Instead of beating off, I like to start things on fire. If I eat enough Tylenol masturbating doesn’t sting. So I can start things on fire with my penis. Mother Mary says fire is good. I think that’s why she always has me fire off in her face.